Hi Anon. I’m sorry you’re struggling right now. I’ll share my thoughts with you, since you asked, but be prepared for a lot of word vomit that may or may not relate to your situation (and sorry this is hours later – those cold meds finally kicked in and I passed out!).
I never had to write a senior paper so I’m not completely familiar with the process or requirements, so please take anything I say with the understanding that it should be modified for your circumstances. Also, I don’t really know you, Anon, and so I’m not sure how you work or think, so I’ll probably just be projecting myself onto you – but maybe we are somehow similar. So here we go:
(Sorry to any other followers about the length – I’d normally throw this behind a “read more” but asks don’t show that link on my current tumblr template. So you’ll just have to keep scrolling.)
1. It doesn’t have to be perfect.
I’m not sure how the grading works on a senior thesis – if you’re assigned a letter/percentage grade or if it’s just pass/fail – but it doesn’t really matter. This is your final step to graduating and at this point, grades shouldn’t be a huge deal except for actually getting a grade. Maybe you’re the type who’s always had A’s your life and can’t imagine getting anything else (or your parents can’t imagine you getting anything else), but you know what? “C” is still a passing grade. And you know what a passing grade, even if it’s not an “A” gets you? A diploma.
2. You don’t have to be perfect.
If you are, indeed, one of those folks who’ve always gotten A’s and who have wrapped up your identity in your schoolwork because you’ve always been the smart one, then it can be difficult to half-ass something because it feels like you’re letting someone down. Maybe your parents who’ve always expected good grades, or maybe just some inner sense of pride that anything that isn’t total brilliance isn’t worth it. (Were you ever described as “precocious” when you were younger? Because, yeah, that will get into your skin.) You might then have these extremely high expectations that you’re supposed to write the Best! Essay! Ever! but the reality is you just need to write an essay. It doesn’t have to be brilliant. It doesn’t even have to be good. It just has to meet the minimum word count and make a modicum of sense. Which leads to…
3. Do the bare minimum.
A crap essay is better than no essay. Seriously. It’s my understanding that a senior thesis is really an excuse for universities to show that their students have gained the training and experience to think critically and write coherently. This isn’t a doctoral thesis – you’re not trying to find a new take on something. You’re just tying to meet the arbitrary requirement your school has set up to get your diploma. Look over the rules for the essay and highlight the crucial elements that you need to focus on: word count, the number of resources/citations, anything else technical like that. Tell yourself that you just need to have that much and no more. Do you need five resources? Then do a search on jstor (or whatever equivalent you have access to) for papers that seem even remotely related to your subject, scan them for pull quotes, and then figure out how to throw them in. Bonus: the longer the relevant quotation, the more word count you’re padding!
4. You are not a snowflake.
Harsh, I know. But you are not the first student to struggle with a senior thesis and you won’t be the last. Are you assigned an advisor or other faculty mentor? Do you feel comfortable talking to them? If so, take some time to tell them exactly what you’ve told me here. I promise you they’ve gone through this before with other students. (Ones that have even somehow managed to graduate!)
5. No one else at your school is a snowflake, either.
Everyone has to turn in a senior thesis (I presume). Everyone. Including that dumb-as-bricks classmate that makes you wonder why they even chose this major if they never seem to grasp the concept. Yes, that person will have to write the same kind of essay you do, and guess what? They’ll still graduate! Imagine what their essay might be like, and tell yourself you can at least do that.
6. Admit your fear.
You’ve kind of already done this by even sending me a message, but admit to yourself that this is more than just a paper – this is the fear of the unknown. You’ve likely been going to school non-stop since you were about five years old, and if you’re like me, you’ve maybe wrapped up pretty much your entire identity in grades and teachers’ respect and peers thinking you’re smart. Once you get that diploma, it means it’s over. The scary unknown of the “real” world is all that’s left. School is safe, familiar. You know where you stand. But leaving it all behind is terrifying. Believe me, I know. My graduation meant moving back to the States and leaving behind everything I knew. Is it any surprise that I ended up with a surplus of credits in the end (about a full year’s worth)? Admittedly, I also used it as an excuse to keep traveling, but still. The unknown is terrifying and you need to have a serious conversation with yourself if this is actually some sort of unconscious destructive behavior to keep you safe in the school bubble.
7. Think about what’s waiting for you once you graduate.
If you can’t see anything past graduation, then that’s obviously part of the fear you should start to unpack. But maybe there’s the potential for a cool job (or just any kind of job – I’m an art history major, so believe me I know about degrees not being job-worthy). This economy still sucks, despite what newspapers may say, and being able to check the box that you have a Bachelor of Arts/Sciences on job applications really means something. If you’re worried that you won’t find a fulfilling job that reflects what you’ve studied in your major, well, I hate to break it to you, but there’s a 1-in-a-thousand chance (if even that) you definitely won’t. Especially if you’re in the Humanities. I’m sorry, that’s just the way it is. But having a college degree definitely opens more doors for you, and a job is a job. Okay, maybe that’s more depressing than helpful, but surely there’s something you’re excited about after graduation, even if it’s only the fact that there won’t be any more senior papers to write.
8. Just write something.
Okay, so you’ve spent some time on the psychological side, trying to understand why there’s this fear attempting to self-sabotage your last days before being forced to move on to some new scary adult role. You’ve reflected on your self worth and why you perhaps identify with being a perfectionist. There’s still that damn paper you need to write.
That requires work. Grunt work, butt-in-chair, fingers-on-keyboard, stupid work. Ugh. No where near as fun as watching Netflix and scrolling tumblr. But this is the last thing you need to do before you graduate. That’s it! This stupid paper is the only thing standing in your way of a diploma. Buuuuuut there’s still a blank Word doc sitting in front of you and no words.
Just write something.
Start small. You’ve probably been thinking about this paper a lot (maybe mostly with dread), and so you’ve already got a good idea of what you want to say, even if you don’t really know where to go with it. That’s okay. Just treat it like a test. Let’s say it’s a mid-term exam and your professor gave you a prompt that just so happens to be the subject of your thesis. Give yourself a time limit (no more than an hour) and BS your way through the kind of essay you’d hand in for a mid-term you forgot to study for but are hoping your essay will cover your ass for all the multiple choice questions you got wrong.
Use the classic 5-paragraph style: 1. Introduction, 2. Supporting point, 3. Supporting point, 4. Supporting point, 5. Conclusion.
That’s it. Nothing major. Just a short essay. A thousand words, maybe a little more. No citations except for what you vaguely recall. Just some weak-ass essay that would shame your favorite professor if they had to read it.
And then walk away. Don’t touch it for at least twenty-four hours. Go hang out with friends, go to a movie, go for a walk, read a fluffy novel. Then, after a day has passed, print it out (yes, a hard copy!) and read it.
You’ll probably die of embarrassment at your stupid little essay… but… y’know… there could be a point in there. Maybe your third paragraph was straight up BS that makes no sense, but the second and forth paragraph actually are good points. Hey, guess what? You’ve started your thesis! Yeah, it’s crap and only a couple of pages… but look, it’s words on paper!
9. You are not your thesis.
You may feel like you will turn in a mediocre research paper that would shame your family (”dishonor on you! dishonor on your family! dishonor on your cow!”), but it’s just a piece of paper (or stack of papers) that some bullshit administrator decided was necessary so they could give you another piece of paper while you wear an ugly polyester grown with a ridiculous pointy cap and try not to fall asleep while some stuffed-shirt drones on and on in a commencement speech. Your thesis has nothing to do with your self-worth except as a measure of getting that damn diploma that you’ve worked so hard for pretty much all your life.
10. There’s life outside of school, and it’s pretty great!
I had a pretty awesome college experience (I traveled Europe studying art and literature, so c’mon, that’s pretty cool), but my best experiences have been post-college. And if you think I did college perfectly, let me tell you I had some classes where I scraped by with a barely-passing grade just because I’m the annoying type of ADHD who just stops caring about a subject when it no longer interests me and it was pulling teeth to get me to finish assignments. Which is why I know, from hard-won experience, that any paper is better than no paper.
And guess what? No one cares about my GPA. No one cares about the agony I went through to make myself focus and finish classes. No one cares how brilliant I was or wasn’t.
All they care about is whether or not I have that diploma.
11. Ignore anyone’s advice and just do what you gotta do.
Again, I’m projecting on you and making a lot of assumptions about a requirement that was never a part of my schooling experience, so if I’m way outta left field here, that’s cool. You can just ignore me. Maybe all you really needed was a place to vent and clear your head. Fine. Just do what it takes to write that damn paper because you’ll thank yourself once it’s over.
The Obsessive Dilettante 