Okay but just imagine young Patty Tolman growing up in NYC and going to some crappy public school but she loves to read and gets exciting about all the things she reads (and she’ll read anything) but her peers pick on her for being so weird and excited about “stupid” stuff and then puberty hits and she’s all a foot taller than anyone, so she learns to kind of hide her intelligence and love of learning because she’s already an easy target due to her size.
And maybe she comes from a family background where college is expensive and not exactly expected and because she’s not poor enough she doesn’t qualify for much student aid and because she went to some crappy public school she can’t get a scholarship. So she finds a job that allows her to keep reading and learning and takes online classes but gets so distracted by all the different classes she can take that even though she has hundreds of hours of credit, she still doesn’t have the certain set of credits required for a specific degree.
But she doesn’t care because learning and experiencing new things are much more fulfilling than some piece of paper.
Then eventually she becomes a Ghostbuster and later on Erin discovers what a crapton of classes Patty has taken and realizes that she’s just missing some gen-ed science requirements to complete her BA, and the three PhDs are like “no worries we got you” and Erin uses her connections with Princeton to get Patty an Individual Study credit for Science thanks to her hands-on experience in the scientific exploration of paranormal studies.
And they all go to Patty’s graduation ceremony and there’s a moment of awkwardness because her uncle is still annoyed they lost his hearse, but everyone’s so proud of Patty that bygones are bygones, especially when they convince Homeland Security that no really it’s important for them to buy a new fleet of hearses because it’s that’s the only vehicle the undead will be contained in, yeah, that’s it.
Then everyone goes out to Patty’s favorite restaurant to celebrate and Erin is already trying to convince her to get her MA because academic prestige is still very important to Erin so she assumes it’s important to everyone else, and Holtz shows off some new invention to the awe and amazement of all of Patty’s little nieces and nephews and cousins. Abby engages in a very serious discussion with Patty’s uncle about where to find the best Chinese food in the city while her mother still sighs over the fact that her daughter left her cushy MTA job to join these crazy white girls hunting for something that does’t exist and making a fool of their family on national television (all the while being secretly proud that her daughter graduated with full honors).
But Patty’s favorite restaurant is also one of the most haunted places due to it’s notorious history as a speakeasy in the 1920′s-30′s, and suddenly the ladies find themselves bustin’ some gangster ghosts. Patty’s mother still isn’t impressed, and just wants know if ghosts give pensions.
It’s the best day the women remember having in a long time, though, and Patty’s niece, who also loves to read and inherited her aunt’s height, can’t stop talking about what happened, asking her aunt a million questions, so Patty tells her to never be embarrassed about her body or her intelligence and to do whatever it takes to get a scholarship and go to college. Then she secretly sets up a college fund from whatever earnings she makes from bustin’ (which isn’t a lot, being subsidized by the government and all).
When Holtz finds out, she digs around in her pockets and shoves a fistful of whatever cash she has towards Patty, telling her to add it to the fund, since she also remembers being the awkward one that everyone picked on and knows that mentors are important. Then all the ladies decide to set up an official Ghostbusters scholarship and Patty’s niece becomes their first intern.
The Obsessive Dilettante 